When I had my first child, nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel. After 9 months of waiting, my daughter Naima had finally arrived and everything should have been perfect. Except it wasn't.
The overwhelming feeling of love and joy that I expected to follow as she came into this world seemed to bypass me and instead I was left feeling empty and angry. These aren't emotions a person would normally associate with meeting their baby for the first time but that's how it was for me. It seems like such a horrible thing to say and I did question writing and sharing this as I would hate for anyone to think that this is how I feel about Naima today, because its not. They say time is a healer and with time, my love for her grew as she did. I love my daughter more than anything, however it doesn't take away from my experience as a new mother and how much I wish my first memories of her were not tarnished with these negative emotions.
"People will forget what you said, people will forget for you did but they will always remember how you made them feel" - Maya Angelou
Whilst my labour was straight forward with no major complications, I attribute what I encountered during that time to causing my postnatal depression. My memory of the birth has become somewhat hazy over time although, I do remember my appointed midwife conducted herself with as much warmth and compassion as a robot and subsequently left me feeling scared, frustrated and helpless.
Whilst my labour was straight forward with no major complications, I attribute what I encountered during that time to causing my postnatal depression. My memory of the birth has become somewhat hazy over time although, I do remember my appointed midwife conducted herself with as much warmth and compassion as a robot and subsequently left me feeling scared, frustrated and helpless.
Having PND is not something I would wish on anyone however it's something I am no longer ashamed about so I decided to share my story in the hope it can help someone else.
If you would like to hear more about what I went through afterwards then you can check out the latest video on my YouTube channel where I talk about realising I had post natal depression, how it was for me and how I came out the other side.
Lou xxx
